I do not know why.

I do not know why I write. I am unsure as to why I share the things I choose to share.

I am unsure of the true impact of shared words, you see I have always intended to keep my real opinions to myself. Speaking only on He and She lost in the drama of the world, gossiping about TV shows, sales at the mall, making light dark humor of my childhoods past.

Hidden I have always been, behind a camouflage cloak, you have never really seen me.

I like to think we have all kinda lived life this way, the same.. but different. Hidden yet seen. Everybody, just trying to fit in, everybody just trying to be seen. Everybody on the search for the same things, the same love the same acceptance. With their camo cloaks they would also sit, in rooms they knew they did not belong in. Involved in situations that go against their souls very existence. Lost in the 9-5, dreaming of the day they would be free.

I believe I started writing to free my skull of the weight of the thoughts I had been storing inside. Somewhat like a hoarder, these have been carried for twenty eight years. When they formed and began to be stored they were simple, sometimes only words but after the years and the experiences, they bloomed into something much more. My thoughts grew in gold, heavy, they could no longer wait to be adored.

Aren't you tired of being the shrunken down version of yourself? Don't you want to be something more? Why are we always trying to be adored by society, when society refuses to accept us for something more?

when I speak from my heart I find peers reminding me of the dream land I live in. I struggle to accept it, I refuse to believe that is all their eyes can see. Things are the way they are but is that always how it has to be? Voices silenced, experiences invalidated, is this really who we are meant to be? People who can sit in a room with other people and see difference. People who cannot see past today's "reality" when we are meant for so much more. Individual at best with the same moral compass, we should all be adored.. you know for all we bring and more.

I am tired of fitting in when I was born to stand out. I am not looking for much, just the freedom to do with my time as I please. I can get lost in writing for it is timeless to me, my thoughts never run out and the time dedicated to it never feels like time wasted. I like to think that one day we will live in a world where we will get to spend our time invested in being the best versions of ourselves. No more fake smiles and "welcome to Moes." A world where everything feels like home, like a kiss from grandma. A world where restaurants feel more like you have been invited to the owners personal dream world rather than the corporate company cookout.

I am tired of having to search for truth and authenticity while false truth and slogans are shoved down my throat. Entitled to an opinion, we all are, but this is just mine.