Chaos with Cait

In a world so magical, so full of endless miracles I wonder how we became this. When was the day we traded green forests for grey horizons, clean rivers for plastic veins, fresh air for lungs full of smoke? I ask the universe.. Who gave us permission? Who told us the trees were ours to cut, the ocean ours to poison, the mountains ours to hollow out for another dollar? We act as though we own the Earth, yet our names are written here only for a moment. Mortality is inevitable,

I rebuild myself gently no rush, just truth.

I pack disappointment the way other people pack lip balm. A displeasure of self sits in my purse, like a special seasoning that I must sprinkle onto every meal. I find myself to be difficult, always ready for war. Except, the funny thing is, there is always only one person on the battlefield, me. I rip myself to shreds, like I used to tell the teachers my dog did to my homework. I am exhausting, two million thoughts a minute, and I must acknowledge all of them.

I didn’t know how brave I was, until I chose to stay for another breath. And then, another, and another.

I grew up dreaming of stability. Not wealth. Not success. Just a floor that stayed beneath my feet. For as long as I remember, every house I lived in felt haunted. Not by ghosts, but by addiction, neglect, rage that traveled through walls, and adults who carried storms inside of them. I was a child, learning to read for danger before I learned safety. I listened for footsteps. Measured voices. Studied slammed doors. Home was never a place. It was a question. Would the lights

Some days, survival for me is making the choice to drink water, to breathe deeply and simply do my best to just stay.

For years, I believed the darkness knew my name, trailing behind me like a silent wolf through moonlit woods and restless nights. More than once, I wandered too close to its waiting jaws, feeling its shadows curl around my ankles like roots beneath an ancient forest. I spent countless seasons at war, sword drawn against ghosts only I could see, pleading with the stars above for a dawn that wouldn’t fade. Then one morning, as the sky blushed gold, a quiet truth arrived with th